


Dear lost brother

by Ducklingxkitten



Series: Dear lost brother [1]
Category: the GazettE
Genre: Gen, Kai misses his big brother, Letter, Light Angst, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:58:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8119006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ducklingxkitten/pseuds/Ducklingxkitten
Summary: I'm writing you a letter again, one among the dozen I've already written, to tell you how much I miss you.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Since uni fucked me roughly today (the last two weeks were hell, but today was worse), I was in the mood to translate this old thing.

_March 17, 1999_

Dear Yuu, 

I'm writing you a letter again, one among the dozen I've already written, to tell you how much I miss you. It has been now eight years since you left home, or rather since mom and dad disowned you and forbad you to come back home. I've never understood why our parents did that to you. I know it's no use to write you since I don't have any address where to send them, and I keep preciously in a box the ones I've already written since a year, hoping that one day you will come back and thus I will be able to give them to you. All of them. 

Do you remember that I was afraid at night when I was little? I sneaked inside your bedroom and in your bed, then you would hug me in your arms and wouldn't stop reassuring me. You were whispering in my ears while drying my tears that there were no monsters under my bed, that the noise I could hear was only the wind and that I shouldn't be afraid because you were there with me. But now when I'm afraid, no one is here to comfort me. No one is here to reassure me and it's in those moments that I realize how much I miss you and how much I need you. I need my big brother! 

I can vividly remember the day you left. I wanted to play with you, as always, and I found you in your bedroom packing your suitcase. I've asked you if you were taking a trip, “In a way” you answered. Then, dad kicked you out, shouting things I couldn't understand because of my young age and the last thing I remember is your sweet smile you gave me and the tears I shed at that moment for an unknown reason. You were only taking a trip, you would be back home in a couple of days, maybe a week, right? I was wrong. 

After your departure, mom kept on telling me that I shouldn't become like you. Never. I've ceaselessly asked her why, but the only thing she'd told me was that you've caused a lot of harm. Tell me, what you've done to them, is it that bad? Our parents never told me why you left... And you never came back when you promised me you would. 

Eight years... Could it be that you've forgotten me? I hope not, it can't be. What do you look like now? I hope you're still the same as you are in my memories: beautiful, playing the guitar, strong, my hero. You were and you will always be my hero, the one who knew how to take care of me, protect me when other children were mean to me at school. 

You know, we never talk about you with mom and dad... I still can feel dad's hand on my cheek the last time I wanted to talk about you. He was furious and mom couldn't stop crying when I said your name. Dad always said it's your fault if mom was crying that much and it angers me to hear him say a thing like that while I don't know the story of what happened between the three of you. I need that we talk about you, that we say your name in our conversations. I have the feeling they want to erase you from their life as if you had never been their son but rather a stranger in our home. 

I can't stand all of this anymore. I can't stand your silence, their hatred toward you, the shouts and screams whenever I want to talk about you. I would love that one day while I would go outside you would be behind the door, smiling at me and telling me you're finally back and that you would never leave me again. I truly hope that you're going to come back showing me that you didn't forget me and abandon me. 

I would like to come back in time when we were a happy family, and together, but I know it's only a dream of mine. We are never going to be a happy family again since you're not here. If only you knew how much I need you right now! I need my big brother... 

Your absence at home is hurting me more and more and because of that, things are not easy in high school. I'm playing the nice boy who mentions his brother as little as possible in front of his parents, but outside I become myself again, a teenager who suffers in silence. 

My friends in high school quickly noticed the change in my state. I've never told them the truth on it, except to Kouyou. Do you remember him? He often came to our house to play when we were in primary school. I've always trusted him and only he alone knows you left. Kouyou spends a lot of time with me during our breaks, he does everything to cheer me up and I'm very grateful to him for that even if sometimes I would prefer to be in your arms and hear those reassuring words from your mouth. I know one day I will, I know one day we will be together again. You just can't have left me like that. 

I'm not doing well in high school because of this thought of you abandoning me. Of course, mom and dad noticed. Mom talked to me the other day to know why my marks were so bad and I've only told her it is because I miss my big brother. She became very pale and while taking me in her arms she whispered in my ear that I had to pull myself together and that she doesn't want me to become like you. She cried once again, but I barely was listening to her. I was only thinking of you as she was talking. 

I would love to hear your voice... I deeply wish for the day I would see you again and hug you once again to come faster... 

I must end my letter here, I can hear dad coming upstairs and if he sees me writing this and learns this one and the others are for you, he's going to give me a hard time. I miss you terribly and I'm waiting impatiently for your return. 

I love you. 

Your little brother, Yutaka.


End file.
